lately I'm failing to embrace the feeling of living, I'm sitting in my bed, my body feels like the ripples in puddle shaking fading me so subtle, I feel like grey jello that probably sounds stupid..but.. the truth is my brain is wearing stilettos that reach down to trample my heart little boy with desires only in a surreal world but everything dissolves so I never get to feel girls, for to long. And they runaway I was underpaid but more like loves slave I lust fame so people will love me and thinks its cool that I'm ugly and just think nothing, of it. But I'm afraid of the public paranoid as fuck its like even in the morning the wolfs come for me glory in heaven they said it but I bet you it's lonely in your perfect world do you get horny does it get boring everything alright? You feeling stormy? Would you even admit it to yourself bet you didn't have fun with the sand that you're calling sunlight one night stands never keep me up right fuck life man but she never let's me bust right on her face my skin is in outer space the senses are misplaced what is this grey feeling I rip away from myself there's no chills a whole new world in a pill but Michelle says its bad and well I won't disagree but this week even I don't give a shit about me. Boogeymen eat me up from the inside its amazing how numbness makes you feel alive. It's amazing how humans can eat each other from within, but only if you let them and I let her, win, I'm a good loser bad winner for good decisions I'm a bad chooser that should make me feel cooler? Right, like friezas brother but I'm freezing and freedom from these demons just seems so uncomfort-able. Which is unfortunate even when I write my own name it's like I'm forging it. Dying is one of my finer habits because every time I die I find the white rabbit under my finger nails feeling like a king for real not really though I'm really feeling like the smoke that I'm breathing being a weakling is something that's been repeating in me since I started being a being of human a ghoul in the moonlit hour but the dark has more power and everything has a mouth and it wants to devour my whole house and this sour way I lay when I stay on the couch I pray to nothing I have nothing to pray to I play good with others until my costumes gets worn out they see that I'm melting then they get the swords out to kill me again and again and again and again and again and again. my rooms really messy and my moods pretty shitty got a new thick sweater and I'm feeling pretty fresh geek but, there's something missing, there's something missing